Surprise, Surprise

Yesterday was one of those days where nothing seemed to go right. The 8-month old was awake from 2 to 5 a.m.; school was a disaster; track practice ended at 4:30, but I was there until 5:32 when the last kid’s ride finally showed up; and to top it all off, we were going to have dinner with some of my wife’s oldest friends (her college roommate and her best friend from childhood). I was supposed to be home early enough to help clean up or watch the boys so she could clean up, and I hit every one of the 14 possible red lights on my trip home. I was incredibly frustrated.

I got home, and she had already cleaned up, and I felt pretty bad, but she said it was okay. She needed me to watch the boys for a few minutes while she cleaned the bathroom – it was apparently the last thing that needed to be done. We were meeting her best friend (the old roommate had cancelled) at Louie’s Pizza, a local chain (if there is such a thing) which has great pizza but the ambience of a truck stop bathroom. As we pulled up, I saw a friend from our Sunday night Bible study – what a neat coincidence.

And then, another friend walked right in front of our car as we were unloading the boys. He seemed startled to see me, and then helped me by grabbing the diaper bag (which my wife insisted we didn’t need in the restaurant). And then it dawned on me, there were going to be more people here than just her old friend.

When we walked in, there were way more than I expected: a whole dozen of my friends – J-M, Bob, Calvin, Brad, Matt, Marshall, Aaron, Adam, BJ, my brothers Matthew and Manuel, and my nephew Johnathan. My wife took our sons and went home. What a great birthday present (she really took me by surprise since my birthday was almost two weeks ago).

We ate pizza and Calzones, then we came back to my house where my wife had cleaned everything, made ginger snaps, and reclaimed to pool table/darts room from its use as a storage room.

My wife is the best wife a guy could ever have. Thanks, honey, for the greatest birthday party I’ve ever had!

The blog I visit more often than my own

It's hilarious. And there's even more where that came from. I actually visit this blog more often than just about any other website. Why? Again, hilarious. She's insightful and clever, and her unique delivery is fantastic.

It's not a blog in the sense that someone is blah-blah-blogging on it, but it is great. You'll have to check it out. Thanks to Fat Matt for sharing it with me.

It's simple, it's funny, I hope she'll get into syndicated print soon.

One for the road:

Baal & Molech Worship

Don't take this the wrong way, but I have come to appreciate how ancient worshipers could indeed sacrifice their infant children to Baal or Molech or any one of those ancient, blood-thirsty deities.

I've been doing some reading, and it seems that all of these ancient worship services were held at two or three in the morning and lasted several hours. The infant was generally expected to be cutting teeth or to have an ear infection or at least be screaming at the top of his lungs for the duration of the service. The sacrificer would finally look at the sacrificee and say, "I can't take this for another second" and that would be it.

Nowadays, of course, we're more civilized and we've replaced such ancient superstitions with Orajel (nighttime formula for the kid) or Jack and Coke (nighttime formula for the adult).

On Turning 30...

So, today's my birthday, and I'm actually excited about it.

They say that you're over the hill when you hit 40, but lots of people have told me that things start going downhill at 30 really. But I'm not afraid.

I've got several reasons to be excited:

• I'm in my 30's and I'm married to a girl in her 20's
• I'm moving into another age bracket on race day - no more competing against 25-year-olds
• Gray hair will make it less likely that I'll be asked to homecoming by a clueless freshman again (for the 8th year in a row)
• I've finally gotten to the point where I'm (reasonably) content with material stuff - that is, I had a really hard time thinking of a gift list for my family; I seriously asked for socks.

Anyway, 30 isn't so bad...so far at least.

Extra, Extra, Extra Blog

I've started running again, and I'm blogging my training in an effort to keep myself honest and to have a log of what I'm doing. If you're interested in my boring efforts, you can read it here.

Christmas vs. Easter

Easter is my favorite holiday. I know people will argue that Christmas is better, but allow me to explain:

1. The death and resurrection of Christ are essential to the faith. Without them, our faith is worthless because a) we are still in our sins, and b) we have no hope for life after death (if Christ is not raised, how can we believe that we will be).
2. Easter is in the spring which means a) school is almost out, b) my birthday is approaching (4/16), and c) we'll get more snow (I live in Colorado where we have more white Easters than we do Christmases - global warming? or just climate change?)
3. My family's annual Christmas letter (it's likely you already got one, but if you didn't and you want one, post a comment, and I'll figure out how to get you one).

The annual late Christmas letter started the second Christmas after we got married, and we had to send out Christmas cards. We took a photo with us and the dog in front of the Christmas tree, and included them with a short synopsis of our lives. We got them out just after Christmas time, and every year, we've pushed the date back. The letter has sort of taken on a life of its own, and now it's become sort of a spring break tradition.

We try and make it creative and concise yet complete because Christmas letters should sum up an entire year of your life for people who aren't in contact with you all the time. This also makes spring a good time to send it out because people aren't inundated with letters and cards that they glance at, pull out the picture, and forget about; I think (at least I hope) that people actually read the letter because it comes at a down time for family summaries.

Anyway, happy Easter and Merry Christmas, all at once.

Free meat (guard your wallet)

This post is long, but worth it.

 

My wife and I recently received an in-home sales pitch from an outfit that bills itself as “A Leading Home Food Service Company.”  The pitch goes something like this:

A: “The average family of four spends $400-$600 per month in food.”

B: “Most of that money is going into the overhead costs of the grocery store (rent, employee fees, utilities, delivery trucks) and the actual food cost isn’t that high”

C: “The grocery system in our country does not allow your meat or vegetables to be fresh, plus the system also encourages the grocer to try and sell you low-quality food”

D: “If you weren’t in such a rush and knew you could cook a healthy meal at home and not have to plan it out to cook it, you’d save a lot of money on impulse spending and unhealthy fast food.”

 

So, A+B+C+D = let us sell you top quality beef and vegetables grown “the old-fashioned way” (by “farmers in the mid-west”); we’ll deliver it right to your door, into a freezer we’ll sell you (with a lifetime guarantee as long as you buy food from us); we’ll even pack it into your freezer for you; the meat is “flash-frozen” (without injected water solutions ”like you get at the store”) so it thaws in 10 minutes in a bowl of lukewarm water; plus, you’ll even save money on the food you buy.  You only pay $123.30 a month for the food plus $112.97 a month for 36 months (this covers the freezer and the “one-time overhead fee”).   After the freezer and “Food Buying Service” are paid off, your bill is only $123.30 a month.

 

He stepped out to the car so my wife and I could talk it over, “run the numbers,” and see if it was a good fit for our family.  We pulled out our credit card bill from the last month: nearly $400 in grocery store purchases.  Who knows how much of that bill was spent on quick-fix food that’s more expensive and less healthy than what we were looking at doing.

 

The argument sounds pretty good. Doesn’t it?  It did to us.  Why wouldn’t we want better food for our growing family, at a price that’s better than we’re currently getting, with more opportunity to cook at home and not eat lousy food on impulse?  So, we kept going with the pitch.  We picked out the items we’d like to have available in our soon-to-be delivered, super-deluxe, industrial-strength, lifetime warranty freezer.  We “personalized” our menu, and after we cut out the stuff we thought we wouldn’t eat, and he adjusted it for things we’d want more of, we were ready.  In two weeks, we’d have a freezer full of healthy food at the ready.

 

81lbs. of Beef (60lbs. of it in ground beef), 33lbs. of poultry (25lbs. of it in boneless, skinless chicken breasts), 19 pounds of seafood, pork, and sausages, plus an undisclosed amount of “Grade A Fancy Certified Organic” vegetables in 1 pound packages that would be split up according to some computer averaging table based on our preferences of certain types of vegetables.

 

It was starting to get a little overwhelming, and I noticed the interest rate on the freezer and food buying service: 19.8%! Whoa. I asked the guy about it, and he said, “You will probably pay that right away or transfer that balance to a low-interest credit card, but not everyone is as disciplined with your money as you are.  Plus, if you pay those off right away, you’re only paying the $123.30 per month for the food.  That’s a huge savings over what you’re paying now!” It sounded good to us, so we went for it; besides, he was giving us a bunch of meat today to try out (2lbs. of ground beef, 1lb. of hamburger patties, 2 t-bone steaks, some sirloin steaks, and some chicken breasts), and we could cancel if we weren’t satisfied with them.

 

We signed the contracts (including a purchase agreement, a credit check, a revolving credit agreement for the freezer and service (with interest), a revolving credit agreement for the food (with no interest), and a credit purchase voucher for each.

 

He left us with an envelope full of carbon copy contracts, a list of 19 “services, benefits, and processes” that make this system so great, and a letter from the vice-president of the company entitled “What Have I Done?”  I thought we had done a pretty wise thing for our family, and I read through the letter.  In the first buyer’s-remorse-rebuttal bullet point, he writes “We feed you at approximately $2.00 for a chicken breast and a serving of vegetables” and I thought “Wait a minute. We already eat for less than $2 per serving…way less actually.”  So I did the math:  $133lbs. of meat plus the unknown amount of vegetables for $123.30 a month (for 8 months total for each shipment); that’s $986.40.  Let’s assume 100lbs. of veggies at $2 a pound (not a good deal, but that’s the average, non-sale price for brand-name veggies at the grocery store), so we’ve got 133lbs. of meat for $786.40

 

Drum roll, please…

 

$5.92/lb.  And that’s only the food cost!  That doesn’t include my super-deluxe freezer (for which I would receive the privilege of the 20% discount that has already been factored into the price) or the Food buying service fee.

 

As if the price of meat, practically mandatory freezer purchase, $1700 “one-time service fee,” and 19.8% interest rate weren’t enough, the cancellation period is only three business days.

 

At the end of the day, we got 2lbs. of ground beef, 1lb. of hamburger patties, 2 t-bones, a few sirloins, and some chicken breasts at the cost of 2 hours of our time and one certified letter to the home office canceling our contract.

 

But if you want some free meat and a 2-hour chat with a well-dressed, well-spoken guy who wants to sell you the food-delivery system of the future, I’ve got it covered.